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Goat Envy - My Wildest Goat-Herding Dreams

Updated: Sep 7, 2020

I want a goat so bad. Or goats, I should say. Nothing crazy. Just three or so. Miniature Dairy goats.

There are many reasons, good practical reasons for having backyard goats. Some of which fit nicely into our little homestead utopia, and some which, alas, do not.

Here I will share not the sad realities of why I cannot in all practicality have goats. But the more amusing picture is that of my goat fantasy world. Goats of my own are a WONDERFUL idea - in my dreams. Here is how the fantasy goes:

Each morning my herd says BAAAAA in joyful greeting as they come vaulting across the lawn in their adorable little-goat way. Where they sleep is immaterial. Surely they snuggle under some shrubs or something, so there's no need to build them a shed. They are very savvy and brave. No coyote or fisher cat would dare bother them! Also, they respect the boundaries of the low fieldstone sheep walls separating our yard from the neighbors, so fencing isn't necessary.

During the day, my fantasy goats make plenty of goat cheese for Karl. (I hate goat cheese but I would happily learn to make it for him.) Milking the goats would be the best part. I would have a shiny metal pail just for this purpose, and my own milking stool. I would even finally learn to french braid my hair so I could truly look the part. Of course, making goat milk soap would be a must. We would sell it at a lively profit to buy more goat treats, plus vegetables and perennials.

My dream goats are considerate and polite. They NEVER eat veggies or flowers. Nor do they nibble the wildflower field out back., unless we ask them to help mow it. They are well-trained, respectable goats. Their favorite thing to eat is weeds, poison ivy, and wild grapes, ESPECIALLY the ones we are constantly pulling off the roof of the shed. With my fantasy goats on the job, this problem is a thing of the past!

Sometimes we even bring our goats hiking. They like to carry my stuff so I don't have to. They are sure footed and nimble, happy to follow up steep terrain. When they have rested from hiking, they often enjoy volunteering as "goatscapers" in other organic yards. They clear other people's weeds and poison ivy for a reasonable rental fee.

We have a wonderful relationship, my imaginary goats and I.

I want a goat so bad. Or goats, should I say. Yep. Sure do. *SIGH*

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